In his hilarious yet disturbing (because it’s so true) book Creepiosity: A Hilarious Guide to the Unintentionally Creepy, comedy writer David Bickel presents readers with 100 of the most unsettling everyday things, such as grown men in Boy Scout uniforms, old ladies with really long hair, fish with people faces, lifelike baby dolls, and much more.

Bickel infuses each subject with comedic insight into what exactly makes it creepy and provides an appropriately hilarious photo to help illustrate his point. And since not all creepiness is created equal, Bickel has invented an unnecessarily complex mathematical formula (or Creepiosity Index, if you will) to quantify each unsettling item’s relative creepiness. (Band-Aids that were once affixed to someone’s body but now aren’t: 7.454.)

However, Bickel also acknowledges that creepiness, universal as it may be, is far from absolute. To that end, he invites readers to assign their own Creepiosity number to these and other curiosities via a companion Web site. (For example, what’s more disturbing, hairless cats or Dick Cheney smiling? You decide!)