Many women would say that the notion of “clueless men” is as redundant as “cold snow” or “expensive yacht.” If that’s true, then men everywhere stand to benefit from the clever and lighthearted advice within Chicks Dig Fries: A Guide for Clueless Men. After years of trial-and-error dating, author Bob Mathews shares his hard-fought wisdom in this illustrated guide to what women want most from men. Each tip or insight is paired with comical and quirky illustrations of the things that “chicks dig” most.

* Chicks Dig Fries: With honey-mustard or plain old ketchup on the side-doesn’t matter.

* Chicks Dig Cats: Why? Who knows? They just do. If you despise the wretched creature (the cat, I mean) try to be mean to it only when she’s not looking.

* Chicks Dig Guys Who Can Play a Musical Instrument: Show her your “artistic” side, even if you suck.

* Chicks Dig the Opposite of What We Think: Stop whatever it is you’re doing, because whatever it is, it’s probably wrong.

* Chicks Dig a Guy Who’s Nice to Her Friends and Family: Even if you’re faking it. (See “Chicks Dig Cats.”)

For any man who doesn’t get the big deal about potpourri; has ever thought, even for a split second, that a woman might want an appliance as a birthday gift; or who believes a “scone” is some kind of hard doughnut, Chicks Dig Fries offers all the help he needs.