Men may be from Mars and women from Venus, but the alien known as "teenager" comes from a place way beyond those two. What else would account for that incredible transformation from loving child to the hostile creature who wants zilch to do with dear old Mom and Dad? How to Ruin Your Children’s Lives is a survival manual for enduring this transmutation and—with a little luck—maintaining enough sanity to one day hear those longed-for words, "Hey, I guess you weren’t so stupid after all."

Purple hair? Belly rings? Bizarre musical tastes? Not a problem as long as readers have How to Ruin Your Children’s Lives’ nearly 300 tips and tactics close at hand. With resident teenagers slamming doors and screaming at the top of their lungs, "Mom! You’re ruining my life!" parents should at least make certain they’re handling the job with poise. Consider these tips: ask them about girlfriends or boyfriends in front of relatives; run out on the basketball court with a first-aid kit if your teenager is hurt during a game; fall asleep when your teenager is telling you what Sue said to Jennifer and what Jennifer told Maryanne and what Karen did then.